Sophia Heals Me
February 25, 2008 by jc
Sofia Vergara’s rack attended the Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar Viewing Party.
Why is this significant? It’s not, but I have the flu and the rack…helps.
I don’t know what you people want from me.
Brad Listens To Me
February 25, 2008 by jc
Here is Brad and Angelina on the blue carpet at the 2008 Film Independent’s Spirit Awards. Looks like Brad took my words to heart. Very wise.
Aaron Carter In Jail
February 22, 2008 by jc
TMZ has confirmed that Aaron Carter was pulled over on I-10 earlier today for speeding and when authorities decided to search his vehicle, they found 2 ounces of weed.
Aaron, 20, is currently in jail until tomorrow, when a judge will be present for his arraignment.
Fantastic. Aaron fucking Carter. If finding weed in his car isn’t a sign of a drug addict, that hair should tip you off. Plus, he looks like he has bad breath.
More Virgins
February 22, 2008 by jc
There is a kid group called The Jonas Brothers and they have vowed to stay virgins until they wed. Kevin, Joe, and Nick Jonas, have revealed they’ve sworn a vow of purity to each other.
Joe, 18, says, “(We’ve made) promises to ourselves and to God that we’ll stay pure till marriage.”
Nick, 15, who previously dated Miley Cyrus, tells Details magazine, “I got mine made at DisneyWorld. It’s pretty awesome.”
Yeah, Nick. Awesome. Call me in 2 or 3 years. Let me know how awesome you’re feeling. I’m I the only one who is super annoyed right now? I think it’s that fucking fauxhawk.
Lindsay Nude?
February 18, 2008 by jc
Looks like Lindsay Lohan finally figured out what could save her tanking career: her tits. She has decided to pay some sort of tribute to Marilyn Monroe’s last photo shoot. You know, big tits and scarfs but with way more freckles. Yuck.
NSFW below
Ryan Reynolds Can’t Catch A Break
February 16, 2008 by jc
Ryan Reynolds confessed to Conan O’Brian on Wednesday that his last appearance on the late night show had ended in disaster.
He said, “I came on the show and you showed a picture of my abs, and I said, ‘Yeah, when I breathe out I’m Tom Arnold.’ I left the interview, flew straight back to Los Angeles, walked into my building and Tom Arnold was there. He’d just lost 50 pounds.”
Ouch.
“I felt so bad; I ordered him an expensive bottle of champagne. I saw him the next day and he said, ‘You know Ryan, you must be the only guy in the United States who doesn’t know I’m a recovering alcoholic.’”
Waah. Waaaahhh. Waaaaaaaaahhhhh.
Don’t beat yourself up about it too much Ryan. It’s Tom Arnold. With his A.D.D. Ryan, you could be in the middle of apologizing again and he would stop you and want you to go car shopping with him. Why car shopping? So you two could drive to Texas and experience a cattle drive. Why a cattle drive? Because Tom likes beef. Plus, he has A.D.D.. It’s like living in a Choose Your Own Adventure book!!
Stallone Is Reinventing Himself
February 16, 2008 by jc
Sly Stallone will be bringing back yet another old character as he continues to end his career in the shitcan. After bringing back Rocky and Rambo, Stallone is planning to commit career suicide by reviving the role of Gabe Walker from the 1993 film Cliffhanger.
Sony studio executives are in negotiations with Stallone to revive the character for “The Dam.”
Oh Stallone. You’re so versatile. But I tell you this Mr. Stallone, I am boycotting your new “movies” until you bring me back Lincoln Hawk. C’mon, meet me halfway.
Damon Wayans Tries Something New
February 14, 2008 by jc
Damon Wayans is taking “In Living Color” to the Internet. Wayans announced the debut of ”WayOutTV,” a collaboration with YouTube that will show sketch comedy videos that he produces.
Wayans described the venture as ”In Living Color 2.0” - an online version of the hit 1990s TV series that made him and his brothers Keenen Ivory, Shawn and Marlon famous. ”WayOutTV” will allow viewers to share, rate and leave comments on the sketches.
”For too long, comedy has been a one-way dialogue, with comedians talking to an audience rather than with an audience,” Wayans said in a statement Thursday. ”My entire goal is to make people laugh and at the same time find a way to be creative and collaborative with people who want to be a part of the process.”
Fantastic. Maybe they can get Milli Vanilli to perform on his show and we can all share our thoughts about it with our e-mail using Windows 95. That is if I can tear myself away from playing Sonic The Hedgehog on my Sega Genesis.
Random Flashback
February 11, 2008 by jc
From time to time, JACK will feature video clips of some of the greatest music videos and movies of all time. It’s a way to pay respect to some of the great artistic freedoms many bands and actors have shown us through the years.
Journey - Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)
How we have evolved from this sort of genius, I’ll never know. Love live the air-band.
Total Cheeeeeeeeeeeese.
Britney Was Cleared?
February 7, 2008 by jc
Britney Spears was released from a psychiatric ward at the UCLA Medical Center yesterday after nearly a week of treatment and later checked briefly into the Beverly Hills Hotel, trailed by a parade of paparazzi, authorities said.
The release prompted an angry response from the performer’s parents, Jamie and Lynne Spears, who issued a joint statement suggesting that her freedom posed a threat to her life.
“As parents of an adult child in the throes of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter Britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe,” the statement read.
Who the hell is treating this girl, Dr. Nick from the Simpsons? Hiiii Everybody!!!
Dr. : “So Britney, how do you feel today?”
Britney : “Well, ma skin is crawlin’ anna haven’t showered ina bout two months and my butt smells like da state fair.”
Dr. : “Good as gold. Godspeed Britney.”
Britney : “Thanks Mr. Wonka.”
